Deadlines. What a word ! Get it finished by then … or you’re … cooked!
Whether you set deadlines for yourself, or whether someone else sets them for you, there they are. You can pick any date, any time of day … and you’ve got one ! A deadline. A date and time to be met, to be respected.
Mothers are among the first deadline-makers in our lives. From very, very early on in our childhoods we heard threats about the risks of not finishing on time : «No dessert until you finish your spinach! » or «If you aren’t ready in 5 minutes, we’re leaving without you!» «Time for your bath!»
Fathers could be just as bad but they often used just one pronoun for the word « deadline. » That word was « NOW» as in the imperative : « Listen to your mother. Now ! » (Or else !)
In our carefree worlds as children, we didn’t need to give ourselves deadlines. Somehow or another, nothing was so important that it had to be done, learnt, or finished by bedtime.
Then came school. And we began to encounter authority: the teacher, the one who taught Latin or Spanish or … English or math … or in fact, anything that required some effort AFTER school. In one word : homework.
« WORK » the beginning of the end! Not only the imperatives of « You MUST » but, on top of that, « by Tomorrow!, Capital T. » « By Thursday.» Or else …
As we grew out of childhood and into adolescence and as we managed to meet deadlines or skirt them, we learnt that a lot of adults were in fact « bluffing » about the dire consequences of not respecting deadlines.
Sometimes that was out of weakness … often, a reprieve, a warning, or the grace of forgiving kindness.
As we matured, we integrated the notion of deadlines into our mental routines. We put them on our agendas and calendars. We realized that they were everywhere. Your car needed its tune-up every 10 000 miles … you needed a tetanus vaccination one year and then again and then every 10 … And … yes… there was a deadline for sending in applications to schools or for work … not to mention that in additon to your mother and and your father, you had an uncle too … and your Uncle Sam set a date for filing your tax return, too. And for paying.
While others plot out the deadlines they want us to observe, we make our own. Setting our own deadlines and setting deadlines for others is, in fact, the most human of activities. We like to do this so much that we not only set deadlines…. We have learnt to reset them, too. Over and over again. Free choice. Arbitrary? That’s not so sure.
We choose a date, a time, freely. And then we’re free to respect it or not. We’re free to determine the consequences, set the sanctions and rewards, apply them … or not.
What time is it? 8:15 ? Already! I’d better finish this and post it before it’s too late!
Oh, what a powerful thing a deadline is!
Language is dialogue. This is a followup to my last letter in which I mostly talked about your own language, your own style, how you express yourself. But in fact, I have to admit that it stopped short – It didn’t get beyond you.
Language is dialogue. You’re not alone. If your language is like the clothes you wear and choosing your own style … well, it’s not enough to just talk to yourself in front of a mirror … Language is dialogue. And your choice of style has as much to do with yourself as it does with the community you live in and the people who make up your world. Yes, people first judge you by the clothes you wear and … even more, by the way you speak, by the way you express yourself.
Dialogue is feedback. Whether you’re talking to an audience of 2000 or whether you’re talking to one individual, adapting your speech to those you’re speaking to is like making the first move in a game of chess. You make a move. Your partner makes a move. You speak to a large audience; they respond. You feel it. You speak to someone you know. You get a response. It doesn’t matter who begins. It’s a dialogue. You’re always picking up where you left off.
Of course, we all know people who speak to themselves even when they’re speaking to others. How can I say that? We hear them every day. In person. In schools. In meeetings. People looking at themselves in a mirror … with polite onlookers. Have you ever seen anyone holding a phone at a distance from their ears?
Dialogue is listening. And reacting. Dialogue is pause. Dialogue is in time. Do you send and receive email? textos? How quick do you answer? What sort of dialogue is going on? Do you pick up on someone’s style and answer with the same tone?
It seems to me that so much misunderstanding between people comes from a failure to listen. In fact, talking back and forth … without a dialogue.
Two monologues. Each party listening to himself, herself.
When you take the time – and yes, I mean the time – to listen… or to read and take the time and make the effort to think about what others are telling you, are saying … then in fact, before saying a word, before asking a question, you’ve opened … a dialogue. A healthy one.
The best dialogues are those that last a long time. Those that never end.
Who are those with? That’s the definition of … friends. Friends listen.
When you practice the art of listening … you open a dialogue. And to do that, you need language. But you also need one thing more: courage. The courage to listen.
Language is such a personal thing. As I mentioned in a previous newsletter, we are all individuals with our own very unique styles and personalities. And we have so many facets!
Language is like the clothes we wear: the colors we choose, the styles we select for the occasion, the materials we feel comfortable wearing. Our vocabularies are like our wardrobes. In professional situations, we dress and act one way while when we’re out with friends or family, we might dress and act differently. We don’t dress and act in the same ways at home and in public. And we express ourselves stylistically according to the mood we’re in, the company we’re with … and, of course, according to the weather! The same goes for the language we use.
What sort of a person are you? Are you someone who loves to meet new people and explore new things? Do you have a tendency to be more introverted or extroverted? Are you more of a “talker” or are you more of a “listener?” How old are you? What sort of environments are you at ease in? Which situations do you avoid? Are you a traveller or a stay-at-home?
What sort of background do you come from? Are you more emotional or rational? Are you a reader or a watcher?
Of course, these are not absolutes. Every one of us, like the weather, is in a permanent stage of change. One day we’re smiling and on another … we’re not.
These are all questions which affect the language we use: both spoken and written.
As you develop your language skills, may I make a suggestion? Develop your own personality along with it! One of the keys to learning a language, including your native one, has to do with keeping up-to-date … with yourself!
No matter how young or how old you are … your language is YOUR language! Adopt, integrate into your “wardrobe” the words and expressions you like, the words you need. Think and act as yourself, your own self!
After all, we are all unique individuals! Of this I’m sure: we’re never too young … nor too old to try to say just what we want to try to say …. Unless you have a tendency towards frustration, don’t strive for perfection … excellence is good enough!
Thanks for reading The Paris Savannah Connection!
PS: You’ll never get to your goal without taking a risk!
Where in the world did I leave my keys?? I can’t find my glasses anywhere … Do you remember the title of that movie with Fred Astaire … you know the one with the buried pot of gold?
There are so many things to remember! How do you say “Je me souviens” in English? Oh, right, I remember! And what’s the word for ‘gloves’ in French?
In fact, if you really want to get good in a foreign language, one of the things you need …. is a memory. Fortunately, most of us are born with one that’s pretty incredible. Having a brain is a starting point. Using some of it for storage – quite like the HD of a computer or even the vaporous cloud, is the second step. A little focus, devote some energy to concentration … and then … the key is:
Once, twice, three times … 4 … 5 … 6 …. 7. That’s the magic number. Repeat something a few times, up to 7 even and you’ll likely remember it.
Of course it does take a little effort. But then, what doesn’t? You get what you pay for! That’s the price of the investment!
The curious thing about repeating is that we won’t necessarily learn anything if we just repeat things in the same way. Only smart parrots do that. We need to link them to something. They need to stick. Like glue. Try learning a word, a line like an actor or actress memorizing a text…in a context, with feeling, with emotion. Say it out loud, say it soft, whisper it, shout it! Say it with anger. Make it sincere … or make it sarcastic. Make it ironic …. make it happy. Say it with love. Mobilize your …. emotional memory. You’ll remember better. And longer.
You can learn – that’s to say – acquire, and that’s to say, remember just about anything you want for the price of … taking the time to … think it, feel it and repeat it. Do it over and over again. In time. Once or twice today, once or twice tomorrow, once or twice in a few days … and the miracle is … that later on, in a week or two or in a month, a year from you’ll recall it… and quickly.
True for words, true for images if you look; true for sounds if you listen; True for facts … and true for fiction. Propaganda works that way.
Repetition. A two-edged sword. Because our memories are not only voluntary: learning as we want through repetition. We have extraordinary capacities and … we can unconsiously and involuntarily remember even what we don’t intend to …
Just for fun … let your memory work for you today!
My mother has always had a good way of summing up situations. When something didn’t turn out as expected … and this was the case more often than not in our family, she’d come out with this one:
“It’s a blessing in disguise.”
I think she must have used it after we had a fire in our house in Gary, Indiana when I was a child. She probably didn’t telephone my father and announce the blessing as the firemen were putting out the blaze but after the disaster … there was no choice but to have a brand new kitchen rebuilt and installed. The fire? A blessing in disguise.
About a month ago, I looked out my window … and what did I see? Rather, what didn’t I see? It took me a minute to look twice, and then a third time. My bicycle had disappeared … Oh dear! I couldn’t believe it. Stolen. I loved my bicycle. It wasn’t a fancy one but it had taken me many a mile and I took good care of it, too. Catastrophic? No…but I have to say that I really love the new bike I’m riding.
Life’s like that. If you let it be. And that was the name of one of the Beatle’s greatest hits, wasn’t it?
A number of years ago, I was traveling with my two daughters from Savannah back to Paris and, due to stormy summer weather in Savannah, our plane was delayed. By the time we reached Atlanta, the connecting flight to Paris has already left the ground … and … as the luggage had flown without us … we were put up in a very nice hotel and provided with an indemnity for new bathing suits so that we could enjoy the pool …
I just heard on the radio that the annual summer strike planned at Air France is for July 31st and August 1st – among the busiest days of the year as people go on summer vacation.
Surely, for the other airlines … and some of us … in one way or another,
this, too, can only be seen as another …
“Blessing in d’skies.”
One of the more curious aspects of the human being is a taste for zeal. I haven’t looked this up in the dictionary but it seems to me to be expressed by a prefix we often use denoting excess: over. Which has to do with the idea of “too much” “too many,” “too far,” in short … “too …”
“Overdoing it” could mean going too far, too fast. Providing too much. Too much, too fast. Answering an unasked question with outrageous action. With an outrageous abuse of power.
Where’s the benchmark? the standard? the reference?
Apparently when the ego feels it’s safe to venture (hence, adventure) out with unhindered, non-defensive aggressivity and in the name of some pretext (read: reason, justification) be it security, law and order, policy, religion, country or tribe or heaven forbid, “justice” … we’re headed for trouble. Common sense has been subjected to some other “idea, some other pulsion.”
Speaking of ideas, years ago, Bertrand Russell, one of the greatest mathematicians and philosophers of our time wrote two essays. One was entitled: “Ideas which have helped mankind,” and the other, “Ideas which have harmed mankind.” Probably went out of print … with vinyl 33s. My father used to say “A word to the wise is sufficient.”
“I’m right …. You’re wrong.” It seems to me that this is comparable to the law of the wild west: “Shoot first, ask later…” And I’m not denying that this may be a means to survival, even a justified one in some case – albeit a potentially dangerous one!
How often do we say: “You’re right….I’m wrong.” Same words. Different order. This could be like … asking first.
Acting with enthusiasm is like a fresh morning. Zeal? More like the militia sneaking out in the dark.
Moral of the story: Look before you leap!
Enjoy the 4th – even if you’re in Minnesota – and thanks for reading The Paris Savannah Connection.